Playing Catchup...Working on New Routines for Fall

Wow, summer is almost over and in a way it seems like it just flew by!

So much has happened in the past few weeks and I'm slowly starting to slow down and just enjoy my time and my life and not wish away my days.  It's amazing how being in certain situations make you just sit back and realize how enjoyable they can be.

I started the summer waiting for my 10 day vacation from work in early July, because I was looking forward to the possibility of a new career. One where I thought I could slow down and catch my breath.  Well, God had other plans, and I'm glad he did!  Right after I contacted the company I was interviewing to work for, the school I was planning on attending, at some point, called to check on my admission!!  It was God, that is all there is to it. The door closed on the employment opportunity, but he opened the door for me to go back to school, how awesome is that?!!

So, that has kept me going, getting my kids ready for going back to school is keeping me going, work is, well, still there, but I am learning to leave it in God's hands. I'm excited that I'm going back to school and I will be able to focus more on whats important and hope to keep distractions at bay, lol.

Work on my book is slow, but I plan on making time for that in between school work and family time.  After today, I really need to get it done and am feeling really strong urges.  Today my oldest daughter Stephanie turned 17 years old and I guess I thought about it all for too long and it had me beside myself. I'm not allowing myself to feel or deal with the hurt and it is causing me to be an emotional wreck. I know I need to get it out and deal with my feelings but I have to also focus on whats right for my youngest two and whats fair to my hubby. So I keep myself distracted by housework, and anything that keeps me from thinking.

This fall, I hope for things to be different, and I plan on prioritizing my time and doing what counts. I have realized that you only live once and when you have lived with what I have lived with, and all the loss, you learn to enjoy what you get and not let go.

I'd like to do a lot of things but I want to do what is most meaningful and what will do the most good.

So while I am still working on what I'm doing, I will keep you posted.  I will try to log again before I start school this fall.

Blessings!
Charity

This is going to be a short post, but, I wanted to show my presence, since I haven't blogged in months, how sad huh?

A lot has been going on. I am thinking about a lot of things, like, I am slowly working on my book (I am having constant writers block), taking care of the house, and balance wanting to get reaquainted with my father's side of the family. Up until now, it was an 'ok, I will do this...someday.' What is 'someday'? I don't know but I don't want to find out either.

My uncle, my father's younger brother, passed away. I have mixed feelings about the whole thing because I have relatives that I don't know about and I honestly guess I could just go about my life and if I get in touch with people, fine. Or...I could do something different for a change and get in touch with those relatives that I have and don't know about. Staying to myself would be easier. I could just not do anything and nothing would change. Or I could call my aunt and try and catch up with her and get myself one step closer to going to visit her. I might learn some more about my family, we will see.

Well, I think I have to seperate our feline children...until later...

Making Some Changes...slowly...

I hope you have noticed some of the changes I have made to my blog. I know it has been a while since I posted, but things have been busy around here in the household, and with me. I had been meaning to post several times, and have had A LOT of opportunities, but I guess I was just too lazy, lol. Well, in the midst of all that, I had been thinking about giving my blog a makeover and update the look. I honestly thought the old layout was too dark, and somewhat hard to read. So, after trying out several layouts, I decided to stick with this one.

You might also noticed, I updated the 'description', because it better and, more acurately describes this blog. I have searched all over the net to find other mom blogs that are 'real', which is what I am after, just to get a feel of what I might like for this one. My purpose for this blog, especially for those who know the family personally, is for you to be able to experience our life with us...for real. When you read my blog, I want you to feel almost like you are right there. That is why I said that we are real. No pictures of decorative couches, or fancy walls, or anything like that. I want to share the real stuff.

I also added the mobile blogger, so that I don't have to be at my computer (Shawn's going to laugh at this one if he reads this...) all the time. I spend more time here than I should, but I want to record all the good stuff to share with everyone. This will not only get me away from the computer more (ha,ha!) BUT, I will be able to enjoy the experience more myself.

Anywhoo... on to updating life around the house...

...we are still dealing with the snow. Thankfully, we can go to work now, but there is still the little issue of school. The last I heard Berkeley County is on a 2 hour delay...I love my kids, but, I think they are ready to go back to school. The endless fighting tells me they have been away TOO long!

Anyhow, I have to go so that I can get more coffee, and decide what I am going to do to keep myself awake until 8:00 tonight (when the kids go to bed)...I kinda fell asleep earlier on the couch for about an hour, but I'm going to still need something to keep the eyes open (which is why I read blogs a lot, so unlike reading books)...

Bye for now!

January 4

January 4 marked what would have been, my older son Brandon's 11th birthday (January 4, 1999). Without going into a bunch of details, I had very life threatening complications that forced me to give birth at 24 weeks pregnant. I had been diagnosed with partial placenta previa (follow the link for more information) Placenta previa

I carried him for about a month before I was finally hospitalized on New Years Eve and spent the first few days of 1999 in Morgantown, laying in a hospital bed because the doctors told me he wouldn't survive and gave me two choices. Have him and live, or carry him and stay in the hospital until I did. Apparently I hemorraged so much that the final blood test they did at City came back abnormal and they felt I could be better cared for in Morgantown.

I lay in the hospital bed bringing in the New Year and after RW arrived, we waited. Finally on the 4th I told the doctor ok, because I knew I'd done what I could do. So they induced labor and he was born. He died 30 minutes later in my arms. I won't get any more detailed than that right now, but for those who have only known me a short time, that is the sad part of that day.

A year later on January 4, 2000 is the day I left my abusive first marriage with Shawn's support. I left after a confrontation and went to his house, where Rob was then arrested. Shawn and I have been together ever since.

There is more that I'm going to be saying, I just chose not to go into much detail here for personal reasons. You are more than welcome to email me and ask, but otherwise I just wanted to kinda give you an idea of how bittersweet that day is.

Welcoming 2010: New Year, New Start

I spent the beginning of the new year quietly, sitting watching TV, my kids and hubby asleep. He had poured us each the remainder of the rum/coke and he sat down on the couch to relax listening to his headphones, and he was out.I was busy texting. I was texting my friend and my brother at the same time. While trying to drink my rum and coke. I eventually just ended up texting my friend Mona off and on until the ball dropped, while channel surfing. That is how I brought in 2010. No parties, no racket, no drama...ahhh!

I have been thinking about what I want to accomplish this year. No, I don't make "resolutions", I think that is just a waste. But I have been thinking about what I want to do and get done and thought I'd share it with you:

First, and foremost, is creating a simpler life. I'm tired of wasting my life constantly looking for solutions and collecting things thinking that will solve my problem. Well it hasn't, so it ends.

The second thing I am actively working on, although not "full time", is my memoir. Some of you guys may be surprised that I would be writing a book, well, unless you have known me for more than 5 years, you really wouldn't understand the reason why. This is something that has been on my heart for the past 10 years, and as much as there have been times where I have said to myself that "what is the point?", there is a point. I didn't go through everything I did to just forget everything, forget everyone and pretend that the first 25 years of my life never happened. So, I'm putting it all on paper, and putting it all out there. If nothing else, it will be a way for me to give back and help someone else heal and understand.

Lastly, I have a book collection that is majorly growing and I need to reduce. I'm sure that along the year, I will discover other things that I will add, but, simplifying my life, working on my book, reading and spending as much time with my family and friends and scrapbooking are tops on my list right now.

And it all starts tomorrow...