January 4

January 4 marked what would have been, my older son Brandon's 11th birthday (January 4, 1999). Without going into a bunch of details, I had very life threatening complications that forced me to give birth at 24 weeks pregnant. I had been diagnosed with partial placenta previa (follow the link for more information) Placenta previa

I carried him for about a month before I was finally hospitalized on New Years Eve and spent the first few days of 1999 in Morgantown, laying in a hospital bed because the doctors told me he wouldn't survive and gave me two choices. Have him and live, or carry him and stay in the hospital until I did. Apparently I hemorraged so much that the final blood test they did at City came back abnormal and they felt I could be better cared for in Morgantown.

I lay in the hospital bed bringing in the New Year and after RW arrived, we waited. Finally on the 4th I told the doctor ok, because I knew I'd done what I could do. So they induced labor and he was born. He died 30 minutes later in my arms. I won't get any more detailed than that right now, but for those who have only known me a short time, that is the sad part of that day.

A year later on January 4, 2000 is the day I left my abusive first marriage with Shawn's support. I left after a confrontation and went to his house, where Rob was then arrested. Shawn and I have been together ever since.

There is more that I'm going to be saying, I just chose not to go into much detail here for personal reasons. You are more than welcome to email me and ask, but otherwise I just wanted to kinda give you an idea of how bittersweet that day is.

Welcoming 2010: New Year, New Start

I spent the beginning of the new year quietly, sitting watching TV, my kids and hubby asleep. He had poured us each the remainder of the rum/coke and he sat down on the couch to relax listening to his headphones, and he was out.I was busy texting. I was texting my friend and my brother at the same time. While trying to drink my rum and coke. I eventually just ended up texting my friend Mona off and on until the ball dropped, while channel surfing. That is how I brought in 2010. No parties, no racket, no drama...ahhh!

I have been thinking about what I want to accomplish this year. No, I don't make "resolutions", I think that is just a waste. But I have been thinking about what I want to do and get done and thought I'd share it with you:

First, and foremost, is creating a simpler life. I'm tired of wasting my life constantly looking for solutions and collecting things thinking that will solve my problem. Well it hasn't, so it ends.

The second thing I am actively working on, although not "full time", is my memoir. Some of you guys may be surprised that I would be writing a book, well, unless you have known me for more than 5 years, you really wouldn't understand the reason why. This is something that has been on my heart for the past 10 years, and as much as there have been times where I have said to myself that "what is the point?", there is a point. I didn't go through everything I did to just forget everything, forget everyone and pretend that the first 25 years of my life never happened. So, I'm putting it all on paper, and putting it all out there. If nothing else, it will be a way for me to give back and help someone else heal and understand.

Lastly, I have a book collection that is majorly growing and I need to reduce. I'm sure that along the year, I will discover other things that I will add, but, simplifying my life, working on my book, reading and spending as much time with my family and friends and scrapbooking are tops on my list right now.

And it all starts tomorrow...